Summer is for naps

Fatigue and its remedies; plus, a call for vacation recs

Earlier this month I eclipsed my prior record for the amount of time spent with any one employer. Sometimes I forget that, in addition to writing this newsletter, outlining a novel,¹ completing Week 10 of The Artist’s Way, and having some semblance of a personal life, I continue to work a demanding full-time job.

Lately I’ve been tired. Writing the above paragraph reminds me one reason why.²

At the same time, I feel like I have no right to fatigue. I joke with some of my coworkers who are parents that my writing practice takes way less time than their childrearing does. I’m able-bodied, resourced, and without substantial personal obligations or health concerns.³ Who am I to complain? It’s a privilege to have passion projects. I’ve created this life by choice.

But when the Alaskan summer sun fails to set and the world comes alive—BBQs! hiking trips! packrafting! outdoor concerts!—mania can only be sustained for so long. Today I am bone-tired. I have been all weekend.⁴ And no amount of coffee will do the trick.

The best way to track my mental health is to see how easily I can take a 20-minute nap. If I’m feeling tired and am able to quickly fall asleep, we’re doing great. But when I lay down and still won’t, can’t, let myself surrender—that’s when something is up.

The 20-minute nap is like a factory reset button (apparently I’ve become an iPhone). The best cases require no alarm: my body will wake me within 20 minutes of falling asleep. I can tell it worked when my eyes are clear after. Tiredness seems to arise most often in my vision. I’ll get all cloudy and lose focus on words.⁵

There are periods of my life when I’ve been unable to nap. When my body is locked in a panic mode so tight it refuses to go limp unless subjected to full nighttime sleep. Those are the saddest times. I’ll lie there and wish for peace, but none comes.

Recently, I’ve encountered a new problem. My current fatigue is so great that one 20-minute nap won’t cure it. I’ll wake up and find myself wanting a second nap, then potentially even a third.

The factory reset doesn’t work that way. Once a 20-minute nap becomes longer, it threatens the integrity of the practice. This is the closest I’ve come to relating to people who say naps are dangerous. Who say that naps knock them out.

What they’re talking about isn’t napping. Once a nap takes up an entire afternoon or, worse, an entire evening, it’s no longer a nap. Instead, it’s just poorly-timed sleep.

Summer is the best time for naps. Longer days mean you need an afternoon break. There are opportunities to lie in a pool of sun on the couch, or atop spongy alpine tundra, or on a towel by the lake, river, or ocean. Even a head-down-on-the-office-desk-with-the-door-closed will do the trick.

My prior pattern of leaving a job after a year or two always left me built-in vacation time. I’m starting to realize that, without taking those weeks or months off while in between gigs, I might need to plan more longterm rest. Naps aren’t enough.

Vacation recommendations?

Given all this tiredness, I’ve decided to take a real, proper vacation. For three weeks! I’ve never done so before. There are surprisingly cheap direct flights between Anchorage and Frankfurt, Germany, and I’ll be on one August 20th. I plan to spend a week in Berlin, followed by Dublin—where I’ll see boygenius and MUNA together in concert (!)—and elsewhere in Ireland (a friend is possibly joining for this part). The final week is up in the air: I booked a three-week trip because it scares me, in a good way, to be gone for that long.

So… readers of vessels! I’m seeking recommendations and referrals for any and all portions of this trip. Do you have friends in Berlin who’d be down to meet a traveling stranger? Do you live there yourself? What about Ireland? Ideas about where I should go during my third week? Feel free to reply by email, or leave a message publicly below.

I’m incredibly excited, and also nervous. What is fun? Are we actually allowed to have it? Although I’m still figuring out the answer to the first question, I have it on good authority that the answer to question two is, “yes.”

With that, happy nearly summer! I turned 35 over the weekend and don’t feel like writing about it. I also recently (deliberately, thoughtfully) ended a relationship and was a bit messy in how I handled another important relationship. I don’t want to write about those things either.

Lately it’s like I’m gripping the edge of a rock—a mountain face, maybe—that is my securely-attached self. I’ve been questioning my value. Today’s post is about naps and vacations. But it’s also a reminder that, at least in this Substack blogoverse, the act of sharing itself can be just fine. Naps and vacations it is.

xo, Julia

1. My grandmother recently told me she wants to hold my first book in her hands before she dies. Better get to it!

2. Ed. note: I attended a (lovely and moving) wedding over the weekend that has produced several covid positives. I’m testing negative but probably have been fighting that off too…

3. My friend Brianna wrote beautifully this week about her ongoing treatment for stage IV cancer, including the challenges of self-comparison with other cancer survivors and patients (

Suleika Jaouad

for one). I can’t imagine her fatigue. It’s worth a read and a big huge hug.

4. Again, possibly due to covid exposure…

5. I realize I’m literally just describing what tiredness is. Cut me some slack—I said I’m tired!!