What is, not what if

One year of vessels

Instead of “what if,” I’m asking myself what is.

Like many of us, I’m a dreamer. My head is in a cloud. Or is it fog?

I read too much. I envy and awe. I yearn and yearn and yearn for more.

When I ask myself what if, I open the door to what is not. vessels is not famous. My book is not written.

The list can quickly snowball and become a litany of dreams cast as failures. I so easily lose perspective, seeing negative space where there is a subject too.

I read so much and am grateful for all the words in my head. But sometimes the container must be empty in order to hold.

As a dreamer it’s important for me to watch my hands do the dishes and my feet move on the ground. The clouds will be there still, when I’m ready.

The flip side of what if is what is. One letter and a whole world apart.

Ground-level, with a light leak. Dandelions in Palmer, AK. June 2023.

Gratitude for what is.

Over the past year, I have

…conversed with incredible writers.

…written a few things that make me cringe.

…written a few things that make me proud.

…stumbled upon the internet avatars of beautiful, kind, intelligent souls.

…shared candid thoughts with readers known and unknown.

…felt so vulnerable I wanted to die.

…posted anyway.

…found a group of people who genuinely engage with my work.

…avoided the energy vampires.

…taken myself seriously.

…not taken myself too seriously, either.

…generated joy.

One year!

If this blog had a cake it would be chocolate from a box with homemade strawberry frosting. Maybe I will make that. Maybe I will celebrate.

In school-speak, this has been one of my favorite freshman years. I’m starting to find classmates I love. I look up to the older students and realize they’re the teachers too.

Perhaps the metaphor is better as a new town where my fellow writers are my neighbors. I’m starting to get used to this house. I’ve finally put some flowers in the planters and learned how to prune the raspberries.

I have big plans: a deck, new hallway floors, an accent wall. Is this still a metaphor, or my real life home improvement journey? No matter. I’m grateful for my homes, real-life and internet both.

I’m grateful this experiment has become a routine part of my creative life. I’m grateful I can admit that I have a creative life at all. I’m grateful there’s time for it, because I need there to be.

But seriously… can someone please tell me

Now that you’re at this birthday party, feel free to share what you’ve enjoyed! Comments are open, as is the email response function. Thank you vesselites!! Vassals? Vesselers? Choose your name, and adventure. As always, I’m so happy you’re here.