Manifestation or mimicry?

No need to overthink

Sep 22, 2023

My neighbor subscribes to the Sunday New York Times. I know this because he leaves the paper outside my door each weekend.

He says he prefers to read it on his computer. When I explained that it’s possible to get an online-only subscription and that I can help him do so, he shook his head and said, if you’ll read it, it’s yours.

Truthfully, I don’t always read it. But I keep the magazines—in particular, the style magazine that comes out several times a year. A glossy tome of photos and essays, edited by the author of the world’s most emotionally manipulative novel.

One of the Artist’s Way assignments is to make a collage. Collect a stack of at least ten magazines, which you will allow yourself to freely dismember. Think of this collage as a form of pictorial autobiography. Include your past, present, future, and your dreams. It is okay to include images you simply like.

Thanks to my neighbor, I have a stack of magazines. So I did the assignment.

I ripped out images that spoke to me. One is from Jenna Wortham’s article about swimming at a queer nude beach. The others are of calm interiors, the ocean, a white model sitting poolside with a drink, more ocean, an adorable and feisty-looking cat, flowers, and some gold jewelry.

I assembled the collage back in May and, per the book’s directive, gave it a place of honor above my desk. There it sat, and still sits, alongside a Mary Oliver poem, postcards, and sticky notes.

Collaging is soothing, and it’s nice to look at beauty while I work. I’m not sure I ever thought of it as a pictorial autobiography so much as a collection of pretty things.

But earlier this week, I developed film from my vacation. Sifting through the photos, the similarities emerged. Minimalist buildings. An adorable and feisty-looking cat. The ocean. Boats. Me, a white woman, standing by the water in a black bathing suit. Flowers. More ocean.

Yeah… my photos look a lot like the images I chose from my neighbor’s New York Times magazines for that collage.

I’m still not sure what people mean when they say they manifested something. I know it’s related to the idea of making your dreams come true. The idea that if you can imagine it, it’s possible.

There is power in surrounding ourselves with beauty and inspiration. Our external environments can both shape and reflect our inner ones.

I work with a masterful quilter who also happens to practice law. Legal offices are not typically associated with comforting aesthetics. But, thanks to my coworker, our walls are covered in textile art.

The quilts reflect the warmth and generosity of our practice—a rarity in the profession. You feel the difference just by entering the workspace and noting the decor.

I was excited when I first saw similarities between my photos and the collage. Perhaps it meant that manifestation was real. That I dreamed my trip into existence.

On the one hand, I did. At some point after making that collage, I decided to take a vacation. I ostensibly had no reason to do so other than my want.

Then I began to overthink. Did staring every day at images selected for publication in the New York Times brainwash me into wanting them for myself? Was this some form of advertising? Was I just mimicking what someone else wanted to do?

I debated writing about it. I debated digging further into what it means to desire. Then I shrugged and said, eh. Not today.

I’d like to think I was drawn to those images because I already knew I wanted to swim and look at boats. Because I already liked comfortable minimalism and flowers and cats.

What are preferences, even? What is the self? And do I always have to bring it to first principles each time I reflect on vacation, on happiness, or on nice times?

The most pleasurable moments in life are often the simplest. Sitting in the sun with people we love, ourselves included.

I went on vacation and saw beautiful things, and now I have photographic reminders. I want to share those with you. That’s all it is. That’s all it needs to be.

Cheers,

-Julia

vessels

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